Reformed Baptist Church in O'Fallon, Missouri
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Three Keys to Building a Legacy for Your Children

Sermon Transcript

The following is a lightly edited transcript generated from the audio; it may contain small errors.

The Greatest Preacher

G. Campbell Morgan, a lot of people might refer to him as the Prince of Expositors, had four sons. And each of those sons, along with Dr. Morgan, was a preacher. And one day someone who greatly admired the family was over at the house with all of the sons gathered, and they asked the youngest son, “Which one of you is the greatest preacher?” And so the youngest looked at his brothers and looked at his dad and said, “Mother.” He had a great admiration for his father, but he meant it as a high compliment to his mom. The kids haven’t been released yet? Okay, head on out. You got to hear that cool story. So he meant it as a compliment; years later he praised his mom as his father’s true helpmate and a living epistle who embodied the Word through her life.

So all moms are preachers in the broadest sense. They do a certain amount of preaching. Have you ever been preached to by your mom? Yeah, but really in a good way too. And it’s a good thing for them to care about us and love us enough to preach to us. And I say, preach on, moms. Nothing wrong with preaching if done in the right way. Just like in the pulpit there’s acceptable preaching and unacceptable preaching, the same is true at home. So preach, and preach rightly. We’re going to talk today about building, and we’re going to look at three aspects of building in regards to motherhood and the family.

Build Wisely

So look with me at Proverbs chapter 14. Proverbs chapter 14, verse 1:

The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.

(Proverbs 14:1)

So here’s my first point today for you, mom: build wisely. Build wisely. First, realize that you’re building something. It’s not a physical house, but you are building a home. And that home comprises people. At various stages of life, it’s going to look a little bit different. In the younger years, there’s going to be a lot of little feet and a lot of messes. In the middle years, there’s going to be loud feet and different types of messes. In the older years it’s going to be your feet, which is slow feet, and now it’s your own mess. But realize it’s not a physical house, but there’s still going to be toil and sweat and labor. There’s going to be a lot of work. And building is never easy. It’s never cheap. There’s forethought, there’s energy, time. It must be devoted to this endeavor. So you need to ask, what am I building? How am I building? And why am I building it? Well, you’re building a family. You’re building a home. Think about it. The most—I mean, seriously—the most precious institution that God instituted: the family. And what does he do? He tasks the home, the home life, right? What do we see in Scripture over and over again? It’s central. He puts her smack-dab in the center, at home, nurturing, loving. So he puts the family in a place where mom plays a key role. The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.

Did you ever take shop class at school? Is that even a thing anymore? I don’t know if it is, but it is a thing. I didn’t take it, okay, but I had friends that took it, and I had one friend—I mean, he was like a real genius—and he took it and he made this TV jammer. And so every time we had a history class and the teacher would, you know, bring out the TV, right, with the VCR and hit play, what would my friend do? He’d turn on that little TV jammer, and the screen would be all messed up, right, and it was hard to watch the video. Then the teacher would go up and start messing with it. Well, what would my friend do? Turn off the TV jammer. So then the teacher was like, “I fixed the problem,” right? As soon as the teacher sits back down, he turns the TV jammer on, and we just—we thought it was the greatest thing, right? We sat in the back and laughed and laughed. Well, the family is like being in shop class. You’re going to build something, so you might as well spend your time well. Time wisely, build wisely, and build something that is well and worth passing on.

There will always be someone working against you, trying to mess up the signal, so to speak, so you can’t see it coming clearly. Part of that is the noise and static of the world. Can you get the message through clearly? That’s part of the task. I know I’ve mentioned this story before, but BioLogos, a supposed [audio unclear]. Guess what they say their biggest obstacle is? Homeschool moms. Not kidding. They keep teaching them about, you know, God creating the world from nothing, creation, ex nihilo, and that God specially designed each animal out of nothing, and then God specially designed man and woman. Not chance, not billions of years. No, instantly. Their biggest challenge is homeschool moms. So we have decisions to make.

Look at a couple of chapters earlier, Proverbs chapter 12. Moms, you have decisions to make. In verse 4 of Proverbs 12 it says:

An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.

(Proverbs 12:4)

So a woman, a wife, is a blessing or a curse to her husband. So you have a decision to make, moms: like, which direction will you go? You’re headed in one direction or the other, and listen, Scripture over and over only gives two paths. There’s the path of righteousness, there’s the path of folly. So you have to decide, like, hey, which path are you going to be on? Which direction are you going to head?

A Helper Fit for Him

Think of what it says in Genesis. Actually, just turn there because I want you to see it for yourself, in Genesis chapter 2. Genesis 2 verse 18:

Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

(Genesis 2:18)

Think about this for a second. In this one verse, we see intentionality and thought. God saw that man was lacking and he needed something. The animals have already been there, they’ve already been created, they’ve already been named. But there’s intentionality and there’s thought. God doesn’t just wing it. He knew what man needed, and he gave him the perfect complement. Helpmate is a very, very, very high title to be given. In fact, a number of times throughout the Scriptures—time doesn’t allow, but God uses it to describe himself in his relationship to Israel. He’s a helper, a helpmate. So a godly wife, through wisdom—listen to this—she’s the helpmate. A godly wife through wisdom will help supply many of her husband’s shortcomings. That’s the design. The two become one, right? So the husband has strengths, but he’s got weaknesses. The design is for those weaknesses, by God’s grace through the wife, to be covered—not to be shoved under the rug, but for those weaknesses to be complemented with the wife’s strengths. He’s not strong in certain areas. God has gifted her to help him. So don’t do the opposite. Don’t nullify the gifting you’ve been given by practicing folly, by wasting away time, by neglecting your home and calling. Here’s what one author said, real succinctly: that godly woman is the very soul of the house. She instructs your children by her example no less than by her teaching. For those not married, choose a spouse wisely. Because you’re not just marrying a spouse. You’re marrying a future father or a future mother, someone who will raise, train, and instruct your children. Marriage is meant to last for a lifetime. That’s my first point: build wisely. Wisely.

Build Faithfully

Secondly, build faithfully. Look at Psalm 127.

Unless the Lord builds the house, those who build it labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchman stays awake in vain.

(Psalm 127:1)

So you build faithfully, you build in hope. And this hope is a biblical hope. So hope, biblically defined, is a future promise, not obtained yet, but guaranteed to occur. You see hope, especially in the New Testament. It’s that idea of a future promise not attained. It’s a promise that God has promised to us. Does he ever break his promises? No. So he makes a promise and we have hope in that. Why? Because we know God doesn’t break his promises. He never breaks his promises. So he will fulfill whatever he says he’s going to do. That’s the biblical definition of hope: a future promise not attained but guaranteed to occur.

Listen, you know, your kids are growing up, they’re going to have challenges, they’re going to have failures, they’re going to have shortcomings, they’re going to have misgivings. You can still love them and not approve of what they do. This is true of your coworker, of your neighbor, of extended family. You can love someone and not approve of what they do. In fact, it’s actually required. Every parent knows this. You understand that if you approve of everything your child wants to do, [audio unclear]. Well, this needs to be true of us and our kids. The focus isn’t on their happiness, but on their obedience. But guess what we find out if we focus and put the focus in the right place? Well, the happiness follows. Over and over again in the Sermon on the Mount, right? It’s blessed, blessed, blessed. Well, part of that word there has the idea of this emotional feeling of happiness, of joy. You’re blessed. Well, what does it mean to be blessed? Over and over: blessed are the peacemakers, blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed. Why? Because they’re following the Lord. He’s laid out his dictates for them, and they’re walking right along in it. So his focus isn’t our happiness, but what we find out as we obey, oftentimes happiness follows.

Precious and Pleasant Riches

Proverbs 24 says in verses 3 and 4:

By wisdom a house is built, and by understanding it is established; by knowledge the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.

(Proverbs 24:3–4)

Well, what’s the picture here? It’s of someone taking care to decorate each room carefully and thoughtfully. So it’s a household with room, and guess what? People want to be in the room. Make a home like that, where people want to be present, want to be there. The idea is that the woman has given thought to how those in her home are being raised and trained and nurtured. Notice what it says: precious and pleasant riches. So you’re not just filling it with okay stuff or mediocre stuff, with acceptable stuff. No, you’re endeavoring to make sure there are precious and pleasant riches. We’re not talking gold and silver; it’s even better than that. We’re talking about the grace of God being present, his mercy being present, the aroma of the Spirit pervading the house. What does the house spiritually smell like? You walk into the house, every house has an aroma to it. Not a physical smell, but an aroma. When people walk in, do they feel welcome? When people walk in, is it like walking into a hospital where it’s like sterile or something? What’s the aroma? It should be pleasing and sweet, that people want to come to your house. Your children want to be in your house.

Well, how do you do this? Well, we get the answer. It tells us right there. “By knowledge,” it says, “the rooms are filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” By knowledge. So Scripture, listen, Scripture doesn’t leave us hanging for answers when it comes to righteous living. Now some things, we start getting into the deeper things of God, sometimes we got to get below the surface a little bit. But when it just comes to like walking with God every day, it’s not like you have to have master’s degrees and doctorates to figure that out. All right, even the youngest can know the commands of the Lord and what he requires from us. In fact, we’re commanded to have faith like a child. So we do need knowledge, though. If we’re not sure how to do this, like you’re lacking in knowledge—well, one, I mean, James talks about it. Actually, let’s just look there. James chapter 1.

Ask for Wisdom

I mean, you’ve, I’m sure, read it before, but:

If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.

(James 1:5)

Well, what you find when you study James is that word “wisdom.” It’s basically like Proverbs: the art of godly living. So you want to walk the path of righteousness, you want to walk with Jesus, you want to walk the narrow path, and you’re like, I don’t know what to do—what does it say? If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God. And look what God does. Is he a miser that holds back? No. He gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. He’s generous. You want to walk in godliness. If you’re lacking in this knowledge, what are you supposed to do? You’re supposed to pray. And does God rebuke you or correct you for lacking in it? It says no. He gives generously to all without reproach. So we ask the Lord, like, Lord, I’m lacking here, I need help. God will give it to you in his mercy and grace. But we’re also supposed to ask others for help. God’s gifted many people in many different areas, given them many different skills, a lot of different knowledge, and we have specific commands in Scripture how we’re supposed to do this when it comes to the home. Look at Titus chapter 2. Titus chapter 2, verse 3:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

(Titus 2:3–5)

So where can you turn? Where can you turn? To the older women, right? God’s gifted them. They’ve gone through the journey. They’ve passed the test of time. And guess what? Glean from them. Glean from them. Learn from them. I mean, it’s commanded here for the older women to do that. Well, but the expectation is the younger women are seeking that out. So you’re asking, what is best for the people in my home? You’re passing all sorts of homes when you come here. That’s great. Well, each of them might need a little bit something different. What do the people in my home need? What is best for the people in my home? That’s the question you’re asking, and you’re seeking to answer.

Do Not Tear the House Down

Listen, the foolish woman wastes her time. Netflix and Hulu are her companions, and she wants to be served rather than to serve. So she’s a busybody, delighting in others’ misfortunes and sorrows. And she’s gossipy. When she has the news, she can hardly contain it before she gets to share it with some unsuspecting soul. She loves pleasure and pursues it to the ruin of herself and others. Don’t be like this. She lets the kids do whatever, whenever, and however, and supports them all the way. Her children’s souls are in peril, but she cares not. This is a woman who’s tearing her house down brick by brick. If anyone else did this to her children’s lives, we’d call it treachery and sabotage. She is Lady Jezebel and all her dastardly deeds. Don’t be this woman. The end is death and destruction, not just for her, but for her home.

Build to Last

Finally, build to last. Build to last. You know, churches were built originally to last hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years. In fact, if you look at how long a church took to build, it took one church in England, York Minster, 252 years of continuous work. Now some churches have taken actually a lot longer, but because of different wars and different things, the work stopped. But in terms of continuous work, 252 years, York Minster in York, England—nine generations building the church. Sometimes these first and second generations were laying a foundation; they’d never see that last stone put on there. Well, why build it? Because they’re not thinking just about themselves; they’re thinking about the next generation, and the generation after, and the generation after, and the generation after. They’re not just thinking about their children; they’re thinking about their children’s children, and more. So they were willing to put in the work, knowing that they’d never see the completion in their own time. If you’re going to build, build to last. What does that mean? The right foundation. So give them Jesus. Give them Jesus in large and healthy doses. Look at Matthew chapter 7. Matthew chapter 7, verse 24:

Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.

(Matthew 7:24–27)

When I was at Mizzou getting my undergrad degree, I had to take New Testament, Old Testament survey class. I wouldn’t recommend that for anybody. But I remember that the professor for both classes was the same person; he was actually my advisor. And I mean, he was not teaching it from any type of conservative perspective. Sadly, he spoke regularly at the Baptist Student Union. I don’t think they knew of his liberal views. But I remember talking to him, actually a number of different times, but one time in particular I had just talked to a couple people that were in his class, believers, and what he was presenting was challenging their faith—not in a good way. It was undermining their faith. So I emailed him and I referenced this passage, and I was like, hey, there’s people in the class and it’s like their faith is on shaky ground, so let’s try to build it on the rock and not on the sand. And he emailed back, and his response was, “If it’s going to fall, it might as well fall in my class.” Well, that’s not someone who’s concerned about a proper foundation or who cares about the people under his tutelage. No, but moms, like, your kids need the right foundation.

The Aroma of Christ

They need to have the house built on the rock. So they need Jesus, and healthy doses of him. Your house should have the aroma of Christ spread through. The gospel in some form or fashion should be spoken or shared or displayed every single day, in words and in actions, deeds, all of those things, right? God in his mercy sent his Son to die on the cross for us. And so if we repent and trust in that, God is gracious to forgive us. And each of us here believe that, but we want our kids to believe it. And we can want it so badly for them. That’s not something that we can force upon them, but man, we can sure make the gospel look as beautiful and alluring as possible. And that’s on us. That’s on us. They have to choose. At some point, at whatever age, they have to choose. But we should endeavor to make the gospel as sweet and clear and beautiful as possible.

That means there needs to be an aroma of forgiveness in the house. If you’ve never asked forgiveness of your kids, then you’re doing it the wrong way. All right, I’ve sinned many times against my kids, sadly. And you have too. That’s going to happen. It shouldn’t, but it’s going to happen. It’s what you do when you sin that says something to them loud and clearly about the gospel. Because if it’s, “Oh, dad can do whatever he wants and there’s no penalty; he doesn’t have to make it right with my brothers and sisters; I’m required to make it right with them when I mess up”—you’re preaching a hypocritical gospel, and they will see right through that. If you want to come to Christ, you know what it takes, and humility is key. So if you want your kids to come to Christ, they need to see humility on display on the daily. Well, how are they going to see that? Well, it’s when you sin against them or against your spouse, and they see you humble yourself and come to them. Yes, it’s not any fun. It’s never fun. It’s never fun humbling yourself. If you enjoy that, it’s probably a false humility. You’re prideful. No, it’s hard to do that. But let me tell you, that speaks volumes to them. So show the gospel in effect.

In 1 Corinthians it says:

According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw—each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done.

(1 Corinthians 3:10–13)

Well, what’s that foundation that Paul’s talking about? I mean, it’s the foundation we just read about, right? Built on Christ, the rock. Notice though, back in the very first verse that I read in Corinthians, he says, “according to the grace of God given me.” Paul’s just not building on his own; he’s just not doing his own thing; he’s not like, I got this thing figured out. No, how is he building? According to the grace of God given. So God’s blessed him to be a skilled master builder. Maybe you don’t feel that’s you? That’s okay. Why? Because according to the grace of God. So you’ve each been given a grace to build. And by God’s grace, you can build rightly. You try it on your own? Yeah, you’re going to end up with that prideful gospel. A gospel that’s not a real gospel. You’re going to end up with the Galatians 1 gospel, another gospel, which isn’t really a gospel, a false gospel. But if you lay a foundation by God’s grace, him at the center, Christ on the rock, your kids see that.

Gold, Silver, and the Right Help

So if you’re going to build, build to last, right? You can build with the gold, the silver, the precious stones, or you can build with the wood, the hay, the straw. You need the right materials, right? If you hired someone to add an addition to your house and they showed up with Saran wrap to put up for the walls, they’d give you a little concern. All right, sometimes the right materials are pretty obvious. What are the right materials? Well, right here, brothers and sisters, like the Word. Start here, knowledge. And you need the right people. Earlier in Corinthians, just a few verses earlier, Paul says:

I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the growth.

(1 Corinthians 3:6)

Paul’s the planting, Apollos is the watering; he brings in others to assist the work. Don’t think you can do it all on your own. You need lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots of help. We’re designed to work with others. We’re designed to build with others. You need help in the work. Don’t go at it alone. You’ll be miserable. It won’t go well. You’re designed to have others come alongside and offer assistance.

One author said this—think about children for a minute. This is what the author said: the modern world prefers sterile silence. I mean, that’s true. People get—you see these videos, you know, people freaking out on an airplane because kids are crying. The modern world prefers sterile silence. The kingdom of God sounds more like a family meal. It sounds like inheritance. It sounds like future generations learning, however imperfect, to join the song of the saints. That’s why it’s good for us to have the kids in here. That’s why if the younger kids are making noises, it shouldn’t bother you. It doesn’t bother me. If anyone should be bothered, it should be me. I’m the one up here being distracted, okay? It doesn’t bother me. Like, that’s the sound of life. That’s the sound of the future saints, right? So you hear the sound of the babies cooing and crying. It’s the sound of a young army of God that’s being trained slowly, yet surely, faithfully and wisely. So those young whispers, those coos, those cries, those will turn into shouts for joy for God. That’s the hope. And I’d say that’s the biblical hope. And those whispers and coos and cries will turn into cries of war against the kingdom of Satan as they attack. It’s warriors that are being born and bred. Young girls and boys being trained up to be soldiers for Jesus. Ones that the enemy should fear greatly, for he knows his demise grows closer and closer every day. So whatever spark the enemy lights, we’ll douse it out. Why? Because we’ll have an army with us. And whatever flame we light, it’s going to burn a thousand times stronger, a thousand times brighter than any flicker the enemy tries to throw our way. Why? Because we fuel it with the true gospel. We fuel it by God’s grace with our prayers, and we fuel it with the prayers of those around us.

So mothers, build something that endures. How you train your children will far outlive your lives. You’ve got to think, when you’re training your children, you’re training your grandchildren and your great-grandchildren. Because you’re training your kids to train their kids to train their kids, and so on and so forth. So maybe by God’s grace you grew up in a Christian family, a godly home, and you were blessed with that. Well then, like, keep the lineage going, so to speak; keep the line going. And others of you, though, maybe not so much, or maybe a rough home—well then, like, break the chain and start it here. Start a biblical line. Do something for his kingdom, not the enemy’s. Build it to see something produced, right, that impacts your child, not just for the short term, but for the long term. And all for God’s glory. Amen? Let’s pray.

Closing Prayer

Father, I do pray that you would bless the moms here to build that which lasts. I do pray, God, that you’d be gracious to them; whatever they put their hand to would prosper, because they’re trusting in you, they’re relying on you, Lord. They realize their strength comes not from themselves but from you, that without you they’re nothing, and that they need you. I pray for them, Lord, on the tough days and the long days and the challenging days and the days where they lose their temper and get frustrated, that they would turn to you, Lord, they’d rely on you, that your grace is more than enough. I pray that you’d give them the long-term vision and the long-term goal, God, not to be short-sighted, but to see off decades and decades and generations and generations, and they would labor for that which lasts and that which will rise up to praise your name, for your glory. Amen.