Reformed Baptist Church in O'Fallon, Missouri
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The Paideia of the Lord

Sermon Transcript

The following is a lightly edited transcript generated from the audio; it may contain small errors.

Opening Prayer

Let’s go ahead and pray before we look at the word. God, you are holy and righteous, and you know all things and can do all things, and your power is matchless. And you pour abundant blessings out upon your people, and you judge the wicked. And God, we confess and we lament that our land is full of much wickedness in spite of the many blessings you poured out upon our country. And on this Father’s Day, as we think of what makes us fathers—children that you give us as a blessing—we think of the evil that is being perpetrated against children in our country and in our state. And what recently was decided, Lord, we ask that you would deal with the evil ruling from the Jackson County judge this week that struck down 40 different regulations and restrictions against abortion in our state—an evil ruling that is allowing medical abortions to be scheduled online and sent in the mail. Lord, we ask that you would act swiftly to stop the shedding of innocent blood. May you remove those from power who would continue to commit such atrocities. Please move your people to vote righteously in coming elections to restrict abortion in the state of Missouri, and give the church strength to keep working until it is gone completely. May our governing officials look to you, Jesus, and put godly laws on the books, because you, Jesus, are Lord over all. Fill our church with your Spirit and give us strength to be godly fathers and mothers, husbands and wives and children and church members. Lord, we need you for this. So we ask that you would empower us, empower your church community right here in O’Fallon and in our state and in our nation and across the world. Bless the preaching of your word today, and give your people eyes to see and ears to hear and hearts to receive from you this morning. Speak, O Lord, we do ask, and help us to listen and obey. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Scripture Reading

All right, I will let you all know when the kids can go. It’ll be just a little bit here, but we’re going to be looking at the book of Ephesians and what it says about the family. And our main focus will be on chapter 6, verse 4, but we’re going to read around it and get context. And as we’re in chapter 6, there is a command there for children. So we’re going to keep them in for that portion. We’re going to go ahead and start reading in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22, and we’ll read through 6:4.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

(Ephesians 5:22–33)

God’s word, and its clear love for us in these instructions, amen? Now church, the passage we’re going through today, I encourage you to listen. It is Father’s Day, but we’re looking at God’s word, and there’s something in here for everybody, not just the dads. Okay, so stick with me. We’re going to start in chapter 6, verses 1 through 3, for the kids, and then we’ll go back up a little bit. But there’s a command here for children. And by the way, if you have parents, this applies to you in some form or fashion, at least the honoring part.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

(Ephesians 6:1–4)

True Obedience

It says, obey your parents in the Lord. And the “in the Lord” part is important, and it means a few things. First, that your obedience to your parents is ultimately obedience to God. When your parents are asking you to do something, and you obey, you’re obeying not just because they’re your parents, but you’re obeying God. God is the one who said you should obey. And so when you obey your parents, you’re obeying the Lord. And second, you are to obey just as you would to the Lord. We’ll talk more about that one in just a moment. Third, it means you obey, of course, within the will of the Lord. Your parents’ authority is real, but it’s not absolute. The only absolute authority is God’s. As Peter and John said when they were told not to speak of Jesus anymore, they said, we must obey God rather than men. So God is the ultimate authority, and if you children, if your parents are asking you to disobey God, to sin, then you would of course choose to obey the Lord instead. Fortunately God has other authorities in place, both the church and the state. And so if you ever feel like your parents are asking you to do something that’s sinful, you can come and talk to your pastors, and we can help you. But especially the younger you are, the more likely you just listen to your parents and gain some wisdom.

But Peter and the apostles answered, “We must obey God rather than men.”

(Acts 5:29)

But back to the second thing, the obey as you would to the Lord: it begs the question, what is true obedience? This is true obedience. What is true obedience? Anyone know? I know some people in the front row know. Yeah, true obedience. It is: we obey right away, all the way, and we obey cheerfully, without throwing fits. Psalm 119 says, I will hasten and not delay to obey your commands. That’s right away. In Hebrews we’re told repeatedly, today if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts. [audio unclear] And so that’s not true obedience—doing only part, and not really what you’ve been asked. Colossians 3:20 says children should obey their parents in everything, not just some. And Psalm 100 says, serve the Lord with gladness. So we’re not supposed to complain or whine or grumble when we obey. We are to obey cheerfully. And honestly, adults, we can all take from this too. When God tells us to do something, we should do it right away. We should do it all the way, and we should do it cheerfully. Amen. That is true obedience, not just for our kids, but for us. So children obey, and parents model it for them, right? You want to model this for your kids. They learn a lot by watching you. So you’re doing it not only because God has asked you to; you’re doing it so that you can train them in the right way, which is what verse 4 is really going to be all about, and why this is important.

I will hasten and not delay to keep your commandments.

(Psalm 119:60)

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.

(Colossians 3:20)

Honor Your Father and Mother

But Paul says here, quoting the fifth commandment, that we are to honor our father and mother, to honor them. And what does it mean to honor our parents? And this is something, as you get older and as you leave the house, the honoring is—you know, if you go and you move into your own house, you’re not kids, you’re not going to be bound to the direct obedience of your parents anymore, but you are commanded to still honor them. And when you’re in the house, it begins with obedience while you’re under authority, but it is a lifelong attitude of respect and esteem. So positively, it means listening to your parents, right, to them when they give instruction. It means speaking well of your parents. It means caring for them physically and financially when they’re older or when they are in need. It means showing them respect in all of your interactions with them, and of course, submitting to their God-given authority. And negatively, as in what to avoid, it means you don’t curse or speak evil of your parents. You don’t despise them. You don’t mock them, especially when they are old. And you do not neglect them in their old age or when they are in need. And if you honor your parents, there is a promise: that it will go well with you, and you may live long in the land.

So if you boil it down to five statements here, honoring your parents means: recognize God gave them authority over you; respect them in your heart, with your words, and with your actions; obey them while you’re under their care; care for them when they can no longer care for themselves; and never treat them lightly or with contempt. So kids, you can head to nursery and catechism now. Y’all can head out, our younger children.

Wives: Submit and Respect

So as I said, our main focus for this morning is verse 4 of chapter 6. But in building up to it, I want to highlight a couple of things from chapter 5 for wives and mothers, because I believe they’re crucial to living out 6:4, where it says to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

And so, first in chapter 5, there’s really two direct commands for wives here, and I think they’re crucial to this. The two are: submit to your husbands, and respect them. It says in verse 22 that wives should submit to their own husbands as to the Lord. And verse 24 says that as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. And just to clarify here, the word submit, it actually means to be subordinate to, to obey, or to be under obedience to. And I know in today’s culture, that just sounds terrible. Sounds terrible. But it’s sacrificially how God set things up, and it is good. And that’s what it means to be under authority. It means you do what is asked of you by the one who’s in authority over you. Does it mean you’re lesser? Does it mean you don’t have a voice in things? A husband who is not giving his wife a voice and is not listening to her is not only an unwise man, but is not loving her as he is commanded. But to submit means you are to obey.

And so one quick example: if you think of a large boat, a ship, a captain, he’s responsible for everything that happens on a ship, regardless of whether or not he did the good or bad thing. If he gives an order, it gets carried out. But it doesn’t mean that he micromanages everything, and his first officer actually ends up overseeing a lot of what happens and is trusted to do so. So a husband might say something like, sweetheart, I really think we should homeschool our kids. I’d like you to go find some curriculum options you think are good, and let’s talk about them. And even if the wife is like, you know what, I’m not really thrilled about this. This isn’t something I’m super interested in. She submits to her husband. She goes, finds the stuff, they talk, and then they go from there. We’ll come back to more of that in a few minutes when we talk about the role of the husband. But that is submission. She’s like, I don’t really want to do this, but my husband asked me to, and we’re going to do it.

This is not the main thrust of the message today, so I’m not going to say a whole lot more on that other than, again, just as I said to children, we obey God rather than men, right? If your husband is asking you to sin, your responsibility is to obey God instead. And there exist authorities to appeal to, the church and the state, if the husband is neglecting or abusing his authority. And those abuses certainly exist, but in our culture today, wives and mothers need to hear this passage and take it to heart: to submit and respect their husbands. Respect them with your hearts, ladies, with your words, and with your actions. You should speak well of your husband when you’re talking to others, and in front of others, and especially in front of your children. You are training your kids every day with how well you do these two things. They’re getting a picture of how a godly wife and mother should behave, and you’re either going to paint a good picture or a bad one. It’ll be the picture that they get.

And the third thing here is from elsewhere in Scripture, but it is supported here, or is the basis, you could say, for this. In Genesis, it says God created woman to be a helpmate for man, right? A wife is to be a helpmate for her husband. The work that God gave, he knew that us men could not do it alone. So he created woman. And part of being a good helpmate is submitting and respecting your husband. But another part, which Scripture outlines, is managing the home, which is crucial to fulfilling Ephesians 6:4, bringing the children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Let’s look at Titus chapter 2 real quick. In Titus chapter 2, verse 3, it says:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.

(Titus 2:3–5)

So the older ladies, they’re training the younger wives and moms in this: to love their husbands and children and to work or manage the home there. And then in Proverbs 31, we won’t read the whole thing, but the Proverbs 31 woman, it says, watches over the affairs of her household, and she’s praised for managing her home well. And her husband trusts her to do so. He trusts her to do so. And this is a massively important work, ladies. And one that, while hard, comes with blessings, many blessings, so I encourage you: endeavor to do the work well. If you do, you’re really going to help out with—it’s a crucial part of bringing your children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Husbands: Love and Lead

Now to the husband and father here in Ephesians 5: you’re responsible for leading, responsible for seeing that your children are not provoked to anger, as we’ll get to. You’re responsible for making sure that they are brought up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, which is a nearly impossible task without a good wife and mother who is crucial to making this happen. In the end, though, men, you are responsible. There’s three things I want to point out to the fathers and husbands here today on this Father’s Day.

The first one is a general one from Ephesians 5. Again, how you treat your wife will have a massive impact on your children. And it’s going to paint for them a picture, not only of what a godly husband is supposed to be like, but how Christ treats the church. So it’s very important. Your daughters are going to end up looking for a man like you, and your sons are going to end up imitating much of how you treat your wife. Make sure you’re painting the right picture for them. Men, love your wives. Love them as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Wash them with the water of the word. Make sure you’re saturating your home in God’s word. Make sure you’re equipping her and supporting her and caring for her in a way so that she is beautiful and without blemish. Love her as you love your own body. Provide for her and protect her. Nourish her and cherish her. Love her well, and you’re going to teach your children much good.

Part of loving her well is leading her well. The husband being the head means he is the leader. And when exercising leadership in the home, husbands can often fall into a ditch on either side: either micromanaging, or not giving any direction at all and leaving your wife and kids to figure things out. So if you go back to the analogy of the ship and you’re the captain, you’re responsible for everything that happens in your home, but you shouldn’t go around micromanaging everything. That’s not what the captain does. And you certainly shouldn’t be micromanaging your first officer. You oversee and direct and handle what you need to handle, and then you ensure your wife has what she needs to manage the home well. If you come up with a thousand things your wife needs to do, and you tell her exactly how each one of them needs to be done, you’re going to drive her crazy. It’s not loving. You’re not allowing her to be like the Proverbs 31 woman, because you aren’t allowing her to manage the home.

But on the other side, let’s say the captain gives the order, he’s like, we’re going to go across the Atlantic Ocean and we’re going to find a port on the other side. And then he walks away and he does other stuff and doesn’t give any more instruction. Leaves everything to the first officer. And then one day he finds that they stopped at a small island, or maybe they’ve gone a different route than he wanted to go, and he gets upset and he yells at the first officer. He’s not doing right there. He didn’t give any instruction. The first officer is trying to carry out the word the best way they saw fit and received no other instructions. So husbands, while you don’t want to micromanage your wife, you need to provide direction and leadership. If there are things that you expect, you need to communicate them. You need to give your wife a heading, and sometimes you need to pull her back from something. But often, men, we end up unhappy about something in our home and we don’t do or say anything about it until we blow up. And even then, we aren’t leading our wives or family anywhere—just expressing anger or disappointment. You need to give leadership. Talk to your wife, direct the home, and then entrust her to manage, and make sure she has what she needs to do what you’ve asked her to do. So that’s the first exhortation for father and husband this morning.

Do Not Provoke Your Children

The second is from 6:4. It says, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger. Or literally, do not irritate or exasperate or stir up to wrath your children. Colossians 3:21 says something similar. It says, fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged. So there’s anger and discouragement. And so that’s what happens when fathers misuse their authority. A lot of times kids end up sinfully angry, and it shows itself in rebellion, in bitterness, or in resentment, or they may end up discouraged, and it shows in them losing heart or giving up or feeling like they can never measure up.

Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.

(Colossians 3:21)

So how does this end up happening? I’m just going to give you some examples of what I think provoking your children looks like. Being harsh and severe: if you’re regularly yelling and giving harsh criticism, or being heavy-handed in discipline without any gentleness, there’s a good chance that you’re going to end up provoking your children to anger. We want to be like our good Father who disciplines in love and not in anger, which we’ll read about in just a little bit. Inconsistency: your kids need a stable standard that isn’t shifting and changing depending on who they’re asking or what mood you’re in. If your answer to questions depends on how you’re feeling or which parent is asked, there’s a good chance you’re going to end up provoking your children to anger. Unrealistic expectations: I’m all for setting the bar high, but we need to make sure we set realistic expectations for our kids. If you regularly demand more than they are capable of in their current stage of development, at some point there’s a good chance we’re going to end up provoking them. All of your kids are going to be different. So you need to remember not to compare one to the other or say something like, oh, I wish you were more like your brother or sister. Favoritism: don’t play favorites, right? If you clearly prefer one of your kids over another, you’re going to end up provoking them, and you’re going to cause division between your kids. Public shaming and humiliation: your children need to be corrected, for sure. And sometimes you need to do it right away, but you should strive to do it privately whenever possible. Humiliating your kids in front of others will end up provoking them. Neglect: if you neglect your kids and you’re physically there but you’re emotionally or spiritually absent, your kids are going to feel unimportant, they’re going to feel unloved, and that will provoke them. Hypocrisy: as I said already, the picture you paint with your actions is very important. If you tell your kids one thing and you do another, you’ll end up provoking them. Never explaining why—and this one depends on the age. The younger our kids are, the more they need to just be told what to do. As they get older, you need to be working with them and helping them understand the whys of things. I know at some point TJ is going to hit that age where everything I say is going to be why, why, why? He’s still young enough that he generally probably needs to just be told. But as your kids are becoming adults, they need to be able to understand things, and they need to be able to understand reasons and principles. And if you never give any of that, as they get older, they’ll end up being provoked. Anger: if you’re motivated by anger and not love as you discipline your kids and give commands, you’re going to provoke them to anger.

Even control. The younger your kids are, again, the more they’re going to need to be under direct control. The more they need rules. And the older they get, the more you need to help them think through things and make choices. As one author put it, I think he said, when your kids are young, your house should be kind of like a police state. Lots of rules and laws, and you need to be strict with them. And when they enter the next phase, you’re more like a coach, making sure they’re practicing, and they’re in their game, and they’re doing the right things. And then in the last phase of their teenage years, you want to move to more a counselor role, where you’re helping them think through things and make wise decisions, as soon they’re going to be heading out of your house. And a lot of parents end up doing the opposite. They let their kids run around when they’re younger. And then as they get older, they start being strict, putting rules as they’re becoming adults, and they end up provoking them to anger or discouragement. And I’m sure there’s plenty more examples, and those of us with younger kids, we should go ask some of the older, wiser, and more seasoned people who have brought kids up for some wisdom and advice in this matter.

But a few more things to remember regarding provoking your children. One, this verse is not saying you can never make your children angry. If you discipline them, they’ll be angry at points, right? They are sinners, and they will get angry just like we do. But we may not provoke them through sinful and unwise parenting. The verse is also not saying that moms can provoke to anger and dads should not. Paul’s addressing fathers because they’re the head of the home and they’re responsible for whatever happens. They’re responsible to make sure this doesn’t happen. So dads, if it’s happening, it’s on you, whether you’re the one who said the thing or not. You and your wife should be talking through these things and making sure you’re on the same page, and you should see again that your wife has what she needs, the support she needs to manage the house and care for her kids well. The verse is also not saying you lay down your authority; rather it’s telling us not to misuse or abuse our authority. And the next part of the verse tells us what to do with the authority we’ve been given, because fathers, you have been given authority. It says we are to bring our children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

The Paideia of the Lord

The Greek word here for discipline is paideia. It refers to the full process of rearing and upbringing, training, education, correction, and formation of a child into a mature person. It encompasses the whole person: the body, the mind, the character, the habits, the affections, the worldview—not just academics or behavior modification. And in ancient Greece, paideia was the ideal system of enculturation to form the virtuous citizen. It included physical training and intellectual formation, things like grammar and rhetoric and poetry and music and math and philosophy, and above all, character formation into virtue and excellence. And it was about passing on the culture’s ideals and shaping a person’s entire way of seeing and living in the world. So it was formation, not just mere information. So the word for instruction, it means admonition or exhortation, and it says “of the Lord.” And we’ll come back to paideia here in a second.

So “of the Lord” is important. Paul is saying parents are to raise their children to be distinctly Christian, to give them a distinctly Christian formation: Scripture-saturated, gospel-centered, aimed at knowing, loving, and obeying the Lord with all their heart, soul, mind, and strength. Amen. This does not happen on its own. It doesn’t just happen. If you have ever read the Bible in its entirety, especially through the Old Testament, you notice a pattern. You’ve got a generation that follows the Lord, but then their children or their children’s children do not. A generation sees the works of the Lord, and the next one forgets. And this happens if you don’t diligently and intentionally teach your children and bring them up in the paideia of the Lord, which we want to do.

Loving Discipline

So how do we do this? Well, we’re going to start by looking at a couple other places in the New Testament we see this word. So turn to Hebrews chapter 12. We’ll start in verse 4.

And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

(Hebrews 12:5–11)

Again, the word you’re seeing translated “discipline” here is the word paideia. In some places it’s a noun, in other places it’s a verb. And in this setting, showing instruction by chastisement of sinful children to turn them and train them in the Lord, which can be painful at times, but it is for our good, by a loving Father. And so we should do the same for our children as we seek to bring them up in the paideia of the Lord. We should be just like God, our Father. A house without discipline is a house that will fail to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. So dads, be loving fathers. Discipline your children like your heavenly Father does. Equip and support your wives with what they need to discipline when you are not home. They are your helpmate; they’re raising your children with you, and in fact, are the ones who are going to end up doing a lot of the actual work. So don’t leave them short-handed, don’t leave them to figure it out on their own. You are responsible. Proverbs says that loving discipline drives out folly and brings wisdom. The one who spares the rod of discipline, it says, hates his son. Don’t hate your children. They must be trained in righteousness, brought up in the paideia of the Lord with loving discipline.

Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.

(Proverbs 13:24)

Saturate Them in the Word

Turn to 2 Timothy chapter 3. We will start reading in verse 14. So Paul’s writing to Timothy, he says:

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have firmly believed, knowing from whom you learned it and how from childhood you have been acquainted with the sacred writings, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, equipped for every good work.

(2 Timothy 3:14–17)

Training in righteousness—that’s the word paideia. God’s word is foundational for bringing up our kids in the paideia of the Lord. We need to saturate our homes and our lives and our children in the Scriptures. You need to think strategically about how you can do this. What can your wife do with the kids throughout the day? What books are you going to have around for them to read in your home? What extracurricular activities are you going to have your kids involved with? How often will your family be at church to hear the word preached? You need to think carefully through these things. You need to have a plan. You need to implement the plan.

And one of the ways that you can do this is through regular family worship. Every once in a while we become more consistent; we still miss, but generally our family does it every evening before the kids go to bed. We have family worship. And if you’ve never done it before, it can sound intimidating, but I encourage all of the fathers here to do it. David McNeil gave an excellent message about it at our conference a couple of years ago. You can listen to it on our website. You can talk to him in person. You can come talk to Pastor Mike or myself or several other dads here. But I encourage you to have family worship. And we can talk more in a minute about what it looks like in my home. But first, I want to read a little more of the Scriptures to drive this point home. Turn to Psalm 78. We’ll start reading in verse 1:

Give ear, O my people, to my teaching; incline your ears to the words of my mouth! I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings from of old, things that we have heard and known, that our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done. He established a testimony in Jacob and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers to teach to their children, that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and arise and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments; and that they should not be like their fathers, a stubborn and rebellious generation, a generation whose heart was not steadfast, whose spirit was not faithful to God.

(Psalm 78:1–8)

We should be declaring to our children and their children, to the next generation, all that God has done in our lives and in God’s word. We are called to teach them, amen? I’ve talked to a lot of people over the years that have told me they don’t want to tell their kids what to believe. They just want them to figure it out for themselves. And I’m sorry, but that’s just foolishness. Our kids come into the world knowing nothing. It’s our job to train them. It’s our job to teach them. Why, if you know the truth, would you want to keep it from your kids? Why would we want them to have to go and just figure it all out on their own when there’s so many lies and deceptions out there? That’s not loving, and not only that, but that’s not how you handle anything else. Think about it. Do you let your kids play with knives and guns and hope they figure it out? I hope not. You don’t. Do we let our kids play with poison and hope they decide not to eat it? No, you lock it away. I hope you lock it away. Why? Because we love them and we know it will hurt them. And our enemy is like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. He hates your children. The world is full of dangerous and deadly ideas that will take your children captive. So teach them and train them in righteousness. Tell them the truth. Show them what is right. Bring them up in the paideia of the Lord. And we should admonish our children, as it says in Ephesians 6. It’s not just about showing them facts and information. We’re showing them with our lives, which is why it’s important how husbands and wives interact. We’re persuading them. We’re showing them what is good. We should be passionate about the Lord as we teach them.

In Genesis 18, God says, I have chosen him so that he may command his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing righteousness and justice, so that the Lord may bring to Abraham what he has promised him. Proverbs 22:6 says, we are to train up our children in the way they should go, so when they are old, they will not depart. This is not passive stuff that just happens. It’s not just morals. This is our whole lives. It requires intentionality. Let’s turn to Deuteronomy chapter 6 real quick, going to verse 4:

Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one. You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might. And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

(Deuteronomy 6:4–9)

God’s word everywhere, right? All the time and everywhere. Now that my oldest is two, I’ve been thinking about, okay, how do I put this into practice? And we’re still figuring it out. But a bit of what we’re doing right now, those of you with younger kids: in the morning, before TJ eats anything, plays anything, does anything else, reads other books, we sit down and we do catechism together. And I’m astounded, at two years old, we’ve been doing it for like a month, and he can already answer the first 35 questions in the catechism. It is amazing what the young mind can take in. It’s just a few minutes each morning that’s already imprinting on him. Then we sing the doxology together. It’s really cute. I’ll ask him, TJ, go find mom, tell her it’s time to sing. And he’ll run around the house looking for her, yelling, and he comes back and we sing together. And then we pray for the day. And during the day, Laura is doing different things with him, asking him questions, reading a lot of books, a lot of which have Bible stories in them. And before he goes down for a nap, he’ll hear a chapter of Scripture. And then in the evening before bed, we do family worship. We read a devotional and some Scripture. We sing a verse of “’Tis So Sweet to Trust in Jesus,” and then we pray together. And then the last thing before bed, he’ll listen to another chapter or two of Scripture. So we’ve been going through John the past week or so, and it’s just cool. As a dad, he gets excited whenever he hears the name Jesus or God. He’s like, God, Jesus. So praise the Lord. Figure out what works for you, family, and do it. Just make sure you’re saturating your house in God’s word, your kids in God’s word. Ask those who are older again what they’ve done with their kids, or maybe what they wish they would have done. Talk to your pastors; we’re here for you. But get your family into the word. Your kids are going to get input from all over the place. So make sure the input they’re getting, as much as possible, is good and righteous, and it’s training them in godliness. There’s a lot of junk on the TV, on the internet, and honestly in books, that will train them in the ways of the world, and will take your kids captive. Fathers, you are responsible for protecting your family. Make sure you are not letting the enemy slip in.

A Distinctly Christian Education

The last thing I want to talk to you on this topic is education. Our command is to bring up our kids in the paideia of the Lord again, and that definitely impacts what we decide to do with education, with school. Again, paideia encompasses the whole person: the body, the mind, the character, the habits, the affections, the worldview. So what you choose to do for school is going to impact your child greatly in all of these areas. Responsible parents, when it says to bring up your children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord, you’re responsible to make sure—not that your children are homeschooled necessarily, not to make sure that they’re in a private school necessarily—you’re responsible to make sure they have a Christian education. Christian education.

And I will say, sending your kids to a government school for 40 hours a week is not obedience to this command in Ephesians 6. Even if you spent two hours a day when they got home attempting to train them in God’s word and untrain them in what they’ve learned all day, you’re greatly outnumbered hour-wise. But even if you could fight it and you had the time, why would you be doing that? Education is training. It’s meant to train our children, to train them in how the world works, to train them how to think, how to use their body. It’s shaping their character, their habits, their affections, and their whole worldview. And so if you send them to the government for school, you’re training them in unrighteousness. They’re receiving 40 hours a week being trained in unrighteousness. And the education they’re receiving is unrighteousness; it’s ungodliness. So why would you send them to get that and then try to untrain them at home? And I know a lot of people will argue, hey, we’re sending our kids into the government school as missionaries. We train and educate our missionaries greatly before we send them out, because the mission is hard. School is for education. It is for training. It is not a mission field. We don’t send our kids there because we don’t want them to get slaughtered.

This is not an attempt to shame anyone. If you or someone you love has kids in the government schools, I’m not trying to upset you. I’m trying to shepherd the flock that God has given us. Don’t sacrifice your children. If you need help, you don’t know what to do to get them out, you’re like, I don’t know how we would make this work—come and talk to us. We will do whatever we can to help make that possible. We will help you. To be faithful to God’s word, you need to give your children a distinctly Christian education. But again, it’s not enough to just stick your kids in a Christian school. It’s not enough to decide that you’re going to homeschool them. By the way, making sure your kids get a distinctly Christian education also means not settling for a bad education that puts a Christian stamp on it.

Each of our kids are going to have different gifts and abilities. Actually, it’s awesome to look around the church and see all the kids and just see how different everyone is and how God has gifted them all differently. So some are going to be smarter in certain areas than others, and they’re going to be much better than their friends or siblings in certain areas of study, which is normal. But Christian parents should in general see their kids doing much better and knowing much more than non-Christian kids. Because if we’re doing our job, our kids are getting fed an education in the truth, in the truth. Christian education should be seen as far superior, as it teaches how the world really works and why it works that way. So education, it must be Christian. To fail in this is to be disobedient. And it must be comprehensive. You need to think of it inside of the whole of bringing them up again in the paideia of the Lord. Family worship is a part of it, just as school is a part of it, just as being plugged into your church and regularly being there for worship is a part of it, just as good discipline in the house is a part of it. If you’re missing one or some of those things, it’s like you’re going to try to sit on a chair that’s missing a leg or two, and at some point it’s going to fall. So fathers, you are tasked with seeing to this. Mothers, you’re tasked with helping see it happen, and in many cases, doing much of the work.

Maximize Your Time

Before moving on to the last two groups of people I want to address, I have one more side note here for dads. You should be thinking about how to maximize not only the time you have with your family, but also how to maximize the time you can have with your family. As in, right now, you might have X amount of hours at home with your family each day. How can you maximize that time God’s given you? But also, is there anything you can do to have even more time? Can you arrange things in such a way that’s possible? For a long time in history, families worked together. They were family farms or a family business, and in a lot of cases, families had more time together because of that. It’s not universally true, but it was true in many cases. And today, in the way that the world works now, a lot of times the father is gone at work nine to ten hours of the day, maybe even more. And that can make it tough to do a lot of what I’m talking about here. It means you’re going to have to think extra hard and plan well to accomplish bringing your kids up in the paideia of the Lord. But prudent people can think about things, and we can seek to arrange our lives in a way that lends itself to this.

If I told you that a seemingly small decision could give you an extra 20 or 30 hours a month with your family, would you be like, oh, I want to do that thing, right? And doing the math with that relatively small decision, you could add like a year of extra time with your kids, waking-hours-wise. What I’m talking about here is just one example: if you live close to your place of work and community, and you’re thinking about where to live, where to buy a house, how far are you going to end up being from your job, from your church? If buying that house adds an extra 30 minutes to your commute, gets you the bigger house or property, but that’s an hour less each day you get to spend with your family—and that time adds up over the years, and it’s time you won’t ever get back. So I encourage you: think through what changes, if any, you might be able to make over the years to have more time with your family. Could something in your career change to allow you more time? Could you maybe even start your own family business? Could you work from home and cut out that driving time? Could you live closer to where your life and work actually happen? Everyone’s life looks different. I get it; I’m not trying to fit everyone into a box. But I’m encouraging you to look closely at some of the decisions you’ve made and are making and just think about the long-term impact. How can you maximize your time in a way that allows you to spend more time with your family and bring your children up in the paideia of the Lord?

Children Are a Blessing

Moving on, and we’ll wrap up here shortly. To those of you who are not yet parents, hear me: children are a blessing. They are a blessing. The world denies this. And I’ve shared several times before, but without realizing it, for years, the culture’s influence had crept into my heart. I had a sense of children being a blessing, but it was just a blessing I didn’t want. Praise God, he led Laura and I to be obedient and pursue having children anyway, and I can now see how blind and foolish I was. And I encourage you: eagerly desire and pursue the blessing of marriage and children. There’s a lot of things that can happen in our lives where God calls something good, but we don’t; he calls something a blessing, and we’re like, yeah, I guess so, but I don’t really want that. Like, why wouldn’t you want the blessings of God? Like, why wouldn’t you want the good things that God says, this is good, you can have it, and you’re like, I don’t know? It’s because of sin, right, and the culture. We live in a culture that raises us to think certain ways. So I encourage you, if you are going through Scripture, you see something that God identifies as a blessing, as a good thing, embrace it as such, and pursue it in your life. Pursue it. We find our greatest joy in obedience to him. And the joy to be found in that is massive. So don’t be afraid of the blessing of God. His blessings are good.

The Church Coming Alongside

And for everyone else, for the church as a whole: it’s hard to be a parent. It’s hard to go through the younger years. It’s hard to go through the older years. If you’ve done it, you know. So how can the church come alongside the family? How can you come alongside those who are raising kids? Some of you don’t have kids yet, and you can help in tremendous ways, and some of you are past that stage. Maybe you’ve got grandkids. There’s a lot that you can do. As big of a blessing as children are, the work can be hard. The days can be long. It can be tiring. Parents need help. So I encourage you, church, come alongside them. A night of childcare can be a huge gift. Teaching catechism at church is a huge gift. Working in the nursery is a huge gift. Meals when people have kids, that is a huge blessing. Volunteering to help with classes or schoolwork—all of these things that you’re so good at, church, because you really are. So I encourage you to continue to consider what you might be able to do to help. Opportunities are going to continue to present themselves, and when they do, take them. Take them. Come alongside those raising children in our church. Seek to help them in whatever ways you can. And if you don’t have children yet, pray for and eagerly desire them.

Fathers, love your families well. Love and cherish your wife in such a way that your children see it. Don’t provoke them to anger. Maximize your time with them and bring them up in the paideia of the Lord, saturating them in God’s word. Equip your wife with what she needs to do this well; don’t just leave her to figure it out. Mothers, wives, submit to and respect your husband and help him in this calling. Love your children and manage your home that God has given you. Children, obey your parents; honor them all the way, right away, cheerfully.

The Grace We Need

And if you’re here today and you’re thinking, sounds like a lot, maybe too much—you’re right. All of these things are not only hard; they’re impossible without the grace of God in our lives. Fortunately for us, our God is full of grace and mercy and lovingkindness. Jesus died for us even while we were still sinners, amen? And while we were his enemies, he took our sin upon himself and he paid the price for it, dying on the cross. And then he rose from the grave and defeated sin and death so that whoever believes, whoever trusts, shall not perish but have eternal life. We can’t be good husbands and fathers and wives and mothers and children without the help of the Holy Spirit, without trusting in Christ. And if you’ve not done that, I encourage you to do so this morning. Romans says, if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Do that today. Trust in Jesus.

If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

(Romans 10:9)

And if you’ve trusted in Jesus for the salvation of your soul, trust him fully. Trust him with your family. There are many people in this room, many different stages of life. Some of us with young kids, some older kids, some of you are grandparents. Your kids are getting ready to leave the house. Wherever you find yourself, do the best unto the Lord right there. Don’t live in regret thinking, if I had done X, Y, or Z when my kids were younger. You are where you are right now. Do the best that you can. And those of you with grandkids, look to help your kids do even better than you did. Ask God to give you strength to be a godly husband and father, a godly wife and mother, a godly child, a godly church member. And then work hard and trust that he will strengthen you. Trust the Lord. And if you need counsel or wisdom, come and ask for it. As with anything, this is about trusting God, trusting that he knows best and that he will empower you to do what he has called you to do. He doesn’t call you to do something and then not enable you to do it, and then say, Titus, I need you to do this thing. Good luck. You can’t do it. You can’t do it on your own. You can do it with his help. So fathers, I encourage you on this Father’s Day, believe God and lead your families to know and worship our Lord and Savior. Like Joshua, say, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. Amen.

And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

(Joshua 24:15)

Closing Prayer

Let’s pray. Lord, we thank you for the blessing of children. All the little children that run around here in this church, we thank you for them. Lord, the work is hard. We know that. We ask, Lord, for the strength to do it. Lord, empower the fathers in this room to lead well, to love their families well. Lord, strengthen the moms to take care of their children and manage their home. Lord, help children to obey their parents, and help us all to honor our parents, God, for the many sacrifices that they’ve given us, and Lord, just for being our parents. Lord, we need your Holy Spirit, we need your help. So Lord, strengthen your church. Even as we sing this song in closing, God, I pray that all the houses here, that we would serve the Lord together. God would strengthen us, fathers, to lead our families in worship. Pray in Jesus’ name, amen.